Variety

By Desmond Homann, Staff Writer uploaded at 8:41 a.m. on Friday, March 23, 2018.

It was a Sunday. I stopped into the grocery store to pick up a couple things for a cheesecake. I wasn’t all that good at baking, but it was a friend’s birthday and I had nothing better to do. Surprisingly, the groce...

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By Christian Pfeiffer, Editor-in-Chief uploaded at 10:33 a.m. on Friday, March 23, 2018.

I’m so fucking sick of Susan. I know grief makes us do weird things and she just wants someone to talk to and she’s being human but I’m so sick of her fake, needy shit. I know she doesn’t actually care abo...

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By Desmond Homann, Variety Editor originally published in Issue 11, Volume 30 of The Univeristy Register on Friday, April 27, 2018

Following their concert at the beginning of March, the University of Minnesota Morris’ Symphonic Winds has been preparing for this year’s tour, in which the group wi...

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By Desmond Homann, Variety Editor originally published in Volume 30 of The University Register on April 27, 2018

It was early September and the weather was everything I could have hoped for. I truly was wandering through a picturesque fall every day and everywhere I went. Surprisingly, life had...

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By Jon Antonsen, Resident Dad uploaded at 8:41 a.m. on Monday, April 16, 2018.

Rise of the Shitlords is a recount of a Dungeons and Dragons campaign that I run with some friends. Our players have been transported from their homeland of Sand Point to a different universe contained within the bowe...

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By Desmond Homann, Staff Writer uploaded at 8:41 a.m. on Friday, April 16, 2018.

“Do you remember Bumpy?” asks a 2011 article written by Lynn Halbakken for the Stevens County Times. The answer is often no. By now, those of us who are under the age of 50 (and aren’t majoring in biology) do not re...

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By Christian Pfeiffer, Editor in Chief uploaded at 8:41 a.m. on Monday, April 16, 2018.

Aries (Mar. 21 - Apr. 19): The stars aren’t angry with you, they’re just disappointed.

Taurus (Apr. 20 - May 20): This week’s mandatory listening is “Flashlight” by Parliament, a lovely baritone emanating...

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Originally published in an earlier issue of the University Register under the title "From Behind Diana Ross"

By Christian Pfeiffer, Editor in Chief uploaded at 8:41 a.m. on Friday, March 23, 2018.

It’s not easy being the literal last man on earth, but somebody’s gotta do it.

Mostly, I just l...

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By Christian Pfeiffer, Editor in Chief uploaded at 8:41 a.m. on Friday, March 23, 2018.

Aries (Mar. 21 - Apr. 19): This week’s mandatory listening is “Source” by Fever the Ghost, the gentle crackling of Rice Krispies coated in milk, and your lab partner shouting “OH GOOD GOD, NO. NOOO! YOU’VE D...

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Traveling

Traveling

By Desmond Homann, Staff Writer uploaded at 8:38 a.m. on Friday, March 23, 2018.

I think I was in an elevator. It seemed like an elevator and it moved like an elevator, but I couldn’t quite tell if it was going up or down. I was nervous, and my heart seemed to climb into my throat as the elevato...

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