Variety

By Desmond Homann, Staff Writer uploaded at 8:41 a.m. on Friday, April 16, 2018.

“Do you remember Bumpy?” asks a 2011 article written by Lynn Halbakken for the Stevens County Times. The answer is often no. By now, those of us who are under the age of 50 (and aren’t majoring in biology) do not re...

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By Christian Pfeiffer, Editor in Chief uploaded at 8:41 a.m. on Monday, April 16, 2018.

Aries (Mar. 21 - Apr. 19): The stars aren’t angry with you, they’re just disappointed.

Taurus (Apr. 20 - May 20): This week’s mandatory listening is “Flashlight” by Parliament, a lovely baritone emanating...

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Originally published in an earlier issue of the University Register under the title "From Behind Diana Ross"

By Christian Pfeiffer, Editor in Chief uploaded at 8:41 a.m. on Friday, March 23, 2018.

It’s not easy being the literal last man on earth, but somebody’s gotta do it.

Mostly, I just l...

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By Christian Pfeiffer, Editor in Chief uploaded at 8:41 a.m. on Friday, March 23, 2018.

Aries (Mar. 21 - Apr. 19): This week’s mandatory listening is “Source” by Fever the Ghost, the gentle crackling of Rice Krispies coated in milk, and your lab partner shouting “OH GOOD GOD, NO. NOOO! YOU’VE D...

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Traveling

Traveling

By Desmond Homann, Staff Writer uploaded at 8:38 a.m. on Friday, March 23, 2018.

I think I was in an elevator. It seemed like an elevator and it moved like an elevator, but I couldn’t quite tell if it was going up or down. I was nervous, and my heart seemed to climb into my throat as the elevato...

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By Jon Antonsen, Variety Editor uploaded at 8:41 a.m. on Friday, March 23, 2018.

Rise of the Shitlords is a recount of a Dungeons and Dragons campaign that I run with some friends. Our players have been transported from their homeland of Sand Point to a different universe contained within the bo...

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By Jon Antonsen, Variety Editor uploaded at 4:34 p.m. on Friday, February 23, 2018.

Rise of the Shitlords is a recount of a Dungeons and Dragons campaign that I run with some friends: our players have been transported from their homeland of Sand Point to a different universe contained within t...

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By Christian Pfeiffer, Editor-in-Chief uploaded at 4:34 p.m. on Friday, February 23, 2018.

This Week’s Horoscopes as Things I Love Dearly but Would Never Want to Find as an Image That has Been Toasted onto the Back of My Morning Raspberry Pop-Tart®

Pisces (Feb. 19 - Mar. 20): Jesus Christ

A...

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By Jon Antonsen, Variety Editor uploaded at 4:34 p.m. on Friday, February 23, 2018.

Hey all! My name’s Jon and this issue, and only for this issue, I am going to be writing Dad’s Fried Potatoes. Demcie is letting me write this because, not only am I the Variety Editor, but also the President of...

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By Desmond Homann, Staff Writer uploaded at 4:34 p.m. on Friday, February 23, 2018.

I picked up my latte and moved to an outdoor table at the cafe. My date, who I had met on some dumb dating app, had informed me that he was running a bit late, but had a very romantic surprise that would definite...

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